Well, this first thing that happened is I realized that I actually slept until 8:00! In a household of three young children, I have to say, this is a bloody miracle! And then I figured I should order a bathing suit that actually fits me, but that costs money which I feel guilty ever spending on myself. The next thought was of fitting into that bathing suit and simultaneously wanting pancakes at the same damn time. Banana ones, duh. Maybe I could muster up the strength and surprise my family with them, Momma out of bed before coffee is a scary sight, though. Shit, I can’t have any coffee while I figure this gut issue out. After all of these wild thoughts, which took longer to write than think, I thought about drawing. This last thought from my dreamy awakening was the most nerve wracking, made me feel stagnant. Insert here: feelings of inadequacy, technically and otherwise, and ya know, bed head.
So with the early morning thoughts coming to a close, babies are up and sunggling, ready for “downteof” (downstairs in toddler talk), pancakes eaten (yes, banana) and messy kid wipe down done. After a cup of earl gray, which is lovely but has got nothing on my normal french-press ink, I am digested and decide to just do it. Draw. So I pillow up, sit in front of my big mirror, messy hair, surrounded by bubs and draw, interruptions and all.
My oldest, I call her #1, was so adorable! “OOOhhhing and “AAAAAhhhhhhing” at each line I drew. She was impressed that I was not looking at the paper. Her awe was confidence boosting. She even had fun taking a time-lapse video of it for me. My youngest, lets call him #3, did his best to block my view, sit on my lap, take my pencil and overall be a cheeky goober. I realized after banging out five quick sketches their presence was necessary, it was uplifting, I am not me without them- not anymore- and I like it that way.
All a bit horrendous, as which blind contours usually begin. A phrase I often tell my students that rang true in that moment, you can’t draw what you cant see. Forcing myself to look at ME was good. Needed. After these five BC studies I did a short study looking more at the paper and with some value added.
Sure, my cheeks are a bit swollen looking, but the eyebrows are pretty decent, hmm… and the nose has potential. All in all, it was solid start. Now what if I don’t want to just draw me? I guess I’ll have to perseverate on that one a bit more.